I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
