Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
