a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
