Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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