is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
