it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
