Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
