Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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