i will never coherently bang her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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