clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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