YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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