just come out here and I will go home with you...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
