Umm I'm too high to move.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
