I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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