Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
