Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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