Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
