I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
