I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
