i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize