Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
