last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
