no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
vagina is talking i cant
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
