Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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