I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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