We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
