Redeem this text for a blowjob
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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