The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
