Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
