Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
