First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
