my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
pray to the hookup gods
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
