Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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