I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My life is pants optional.
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