That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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