I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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