You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
