I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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