made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
