he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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