I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
