So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
