I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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