I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
