You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
