do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
