Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
