I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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