just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
