my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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