how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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