she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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