i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
