i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize