My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
