Do vagina's smell?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
