toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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