i think my mom watched the whole time
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So vagazzling was a success
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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