The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
