i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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