I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
