I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
