In the future we'll all be gay
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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