my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
