the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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