oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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