get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
