i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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