Only a mothe r could love this liver
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
