The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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