I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
