why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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