Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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