she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
