Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
