Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
